Someone who creates moments for others. They are few and far between but when you find a person who invites you to do things hold on to them. My buddy Chris is a spontaneous person that is always inviting me to do stuff last minute. A lot of times I will confess I am not able too but it’s always awesome when I do. This was one of those days where we got to watch a autism friendly movie and spend some time at the park. This year we are trying to
Make room for the opportunity to hang out with others.
Most of us are just too busy if someone called us up and said let’s hang out we wouldn’t have the time to.
When was the last time someone invited you to do something and you were too busy?
Make time and space for things to happen and they will.
One of the first things we noticed with our son that indicated he was different was when he would separate himself from everyone else. I am not wired this way and always want to be around people so it has taken some getting use to. As he has gotten older I have started referring to this as the long walk and we work really hard at engaging with him so he doesn’t do it all the time. It has become a bit of a game of cat and mouse and we have fun with it but some times we need to give him some space and let him do his own thing. This has also comes up with other relationships as well.
Where do you draw the line on how far to run after someone that doesn’t want you to catch them?
For me the answer for both has been as long as you have the energy to do so but at some point that gap is just too far to close.
One of the really cool things this year has been to see my son at this park ask me to chase him which doesn’t sound like much but is soo huge. He will look at me and say “tickle please” and run for me to chase him. This has been built on us working with ABA at this park where he asks other kids to play with him and it’s cool to see the pieces work together this way.
If you are in a season where you feel your child isn’t making any progress keep at it and stay consistent, know that things will get better.
It’s easy to get caught up in going through the motions as parents. Even if you are confident with who you are maybe you struggle with what your doing or where your going . I have had lots of conversations with different people from all different walks of life and scenarios and the question is the same.
What am I doing with my life and what should I be doing?
A lot of people put this into the box of their profession or charity work, expecting it to both define and fulfill them. Take some time to get away in a unique manner and push yourself. Once there consider what is you want to accomplish in life and how you will do it.
I don’t know what age it starts but at some point as adults we lose our sense of adventure. I am not talking about wreck-less chance taking, stay away from those people. I am talking about something that gets you out of your comfort zone and lets you disconnect. A lot of my life as a special needs parent has been about denying all of the denying. How do you do this or that with a special needs child? How do you find time, space to do… I don’t know if it’s cultural or not but a lot of people speak of busyness as a disease they caught in a foreign land instead of a self imposed affliction. I find myself doing it too even though I am aware of it and working on it. I find with a lot of parents in general there is guilt associated with what we should and shouldn’t do both with our kids and when we are away from them.
When was the last time you had an adventure?
You will find you are a better spouse, friend , parent, person after an adventure from time to time. You can’t be an absentee in life so just keep it in balance. It has greatly helped me to have a friend that has taken me on adventures, sometimes kicking and screaming. Things rarely go as planned but it’s always epic thanks Kevin I appreciate you man.
Do you have a adventure man/woman in your life?
It’s easy to get lost in all the therapies and busyness of being a parent with a special needs child. We get so busy we become human doings instead of human beings. Who am I? Am I lost? Finding moments to just be yourself especially something that pulls you out of your normal routine is a activity worth doing. This is me at LA critical mass cruising along the streets of LA. I pick somewhere way different to eat each time I am there and it’s always a adventure.
When was the last time you did something on your own?
Life shouldn’t be a checklist you trudge through it should be an adventure.
Just a few seconds before this shot he was throwing a fit about having his shoes on at the park. We say “I pick my battles” all the time but how well do we do that? I have found that being more laid back has helped turn a fit into giggling more often then not.
How good are you at picking your battles? Do you have a bad day when your child is having a bad day?
We become the solid rudder that steadies the ship if we stay positive and patient with our kids it isn’t easy but it’s always worth it. If we allow our kids moods to affect ours they in turn pick up on that and everyone’s mood is in the funk longer.
When you have a kid on the spectrum most of the attention is put on the child and rightly so to help them tackle the world with their unique challenges. One of the things we often over look as parents when we put are kids first is we also put all of our issues on our kids. With out meaning to we bring our dirty laundry for our kids to deal with.
A parent that has issues with anger shouldn’t be shocked that their special needs kid has issues with anger. A parent who is really attached to their things shouldn’t be shocked that their child wont share. It is said that children are like sponges and I feel like sometimes the special needs community thinks their kids are less “sponge” like so they feel it doesn’t affect them.
When my wife or I say something in traffic or yell too loudly he is the first to remind us he is listening. It’s hard to hear but its always good to seek wise counsel and have others to speak into our lives. For some of us that may be a community group for others counseling what ever it may be remember to tell yourself its ok to ask for help and in so doing help your child as well.