I would say my biggest hurtle raising my boys especially my ASD son has been myself. What I think he can and can not do can affect what I slow him to try. My greatest rewards have been when we just tried something without guessing what we thought he could do. I hear a lot of parents say my child can’t do that to which I will always reply are you sure and have you tried it anyway they may surprise you. Brushing teeth was one of our biggest lessons and one of my most painful memories. We brushed his teeth every day morning and night but due to the frequency of using candy as incentives he got a lot of cavities. I held him as the staff at the dentist office told me they were going to inject him with anesthesia and he would go limp and to not freak out. I heard what they were saying but I still cried like a baby when they did it as it felt like all the life went out of him. As parents we mix up guiding our children and controlling them to be what we think they should be, as harsh as it sounds that drains the life out of them. I try to remember that moment in the dentist chair when I think I am doing that and I pray I am better able to distinguish the two as I raise my sons.
Do you decide what your child is capable of before letting them try?
I ride twice a week for fitness if not more but sometimes it’s good to have a unlikely place to clear your head. For me I go to La for one of the largest regular bike rides you can attend. The last Friday of every month they roll out at 7:29p. All kinds of people and bikes from all different walks of life. This last ride I noticed how many good conversations I had with strangers and realized I don’t really do that anywhere else. Getting there isn’t always easy and the late night takes its tool but every time I go it’s such a awesome experience and I meet so many cool people. Most parents don’t get out much and parents of special needs kids typically even less. When was the last time you did something fun even if it was silly?
I always wondered what a professional baseball players thinks about stepping up to the plate to bat. I know they have life issues but in that moment they need to keep their eye on the ball. To train before they step up and know they have done everything they can and the rest is not up to them.
As a parent of a special needs child life already feels overwhelming at times. So when that next curve ball comes our way we sometimes feel ill-equipped to handle it. We try to often times control everything with our kids knowing full well we can’t do that. Sometimes a lot of the stress is us not being able to reach a bar we set ourselves.
We found out my wife has Lymphangioma behind her eye unfortunately, the masses are wrapped around her optic nerve so to remove them would blind her. The masses are made up of lymphatic tissue so basically every time she gets sick it could flare up and cause pain and vision issues.
The lit up part on the right side of the picture are the masses behind her eye. We are doing everything we can to prevent her from getting sick and stressing and letting go of the things they are out of our control.
What do you need to let go of? What bars have you set too high?
Taking time picking the right wood setting it aside. Measure twice and cut once as the saying goes but I seem to need a bit more then that, so I measure more. With all the careful planning and everything executed perfectly it still ends with a dusty bit of chaos. I have to dust my shoes off every time I come back into the house and later go back to clean up the after math.
Life follows suit, we plan and plan some more but no matter out how good our intentions there is aways something that doesn’t go the way we wanted it to. Sometimes these things are minor inconveniences sometimes they are tragedies from which we don’t feel we can recover. Whether it’s the former or the latter it’s best if we do the same dust off the past step into the present.
Do you have past hurts or worries you need to dust off? Are you available in the present or are you just stepping through the motions?
So many fears to conquer how do you do it with a child on the spectrum? One at a time is always our reply. Hezzy has always been terrified by the shower so we just let him take a bath. At some point though we knew we would need to tackle that fear just like all the others. Our awesome supervisor for ABA suggested paint soap and we found it for just $1 per color at target. My wife has been working with him and after showing him the soap paint he now requests shower on his own which has been the coolest thing ever. The are the crayola finger paint soaps here is the amazon link but we found them cheaper at target. What a cool mom she has been and my partner in crime. A very happy Mother’s Day to my better half.
Childrens Crayola Bathtub Fingerpaint Soap Assorted Colors – (4) 3 Fl Oz Tubes https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SNBQT0S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Gj99AbF1951HP
This yard is completely infested with foxtails I dread walking past it every time due to a scarring memory. Our first puppy got a foxtail in his paw and we didn’t know. That is until his paw got infected and we had to take him to the vet. I single foxtail gets in their paw and works it’s way up there leg, I have heard horror stories of them getting in a vein and even causing death if untreated.
The biggest challenges I have faced both with my son and in life have always started out the same way, small. What was a small issue that I didn’t pay attention too became a huge issue and I had no one to blame but myself and no choice but to learn from my mistakes or be doomed to repeat them.
Do you have a foxtail in your life you need to take care of? What’s stopping you from doing so?
How do you handle challenges with your children? Do you meet them head on or do you avoid them which has worked better? There are definitely times where you need to pick your battles and know your limits this especially true with kids on the spectrum. Hezzy has been afraid of water we taught him to swim and watering plants is his favorite thing to do now. He was terrified of swings, stairs and elevators he loves all three now. Our latest adventure is dogs he is terrified of dogs which has made for some scary moments when it has caught us off guard. So we did what we always do take it head on and now have a dog. Our youngest loves the dog and she has been a great addition to our family.Hezzy will always be different. I want him to be himself but I don’t want him to do whatever he wants and we will always be walking that line. Today we found out that we have probably lost funding for his speech which has really helped him. This picture was taken there today in that moment and sums up my feelings. It’s another challenge we will take on as best we can. What challenges are you facing and do you face them?