There are days in every parents life that feel overwhelming. With a child on the spectrum it feels like those days can be closer together. The one thing that would help is other people the problem is we convince ourselves that only professionals can help us. From there it progresses to convincing ourselves that we know better then professionals after all we spend more time with them. Pretty soon we have become lonely islands that feel that can’t take anyones advice and we never get out because no one can help us. I realized I can’t help my son if I don’t even try and sometimes I was rejecting advice just because the person didn’t know anything about ASD. A great quote from one of my favorite songs.
“Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.” -Wear Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann
When I saw my wife and I doing this I did a funny thing I gave up…. on going it alone! This gave way to an amazing community group, family and friends that helped us through the worst part of our marriage. From there it allowed us to be more brave when it come to trying new things with our son from swimming to a 30 mile bike ride and more. It’s easy to turn around and see how all of these things are inter-connected and helps us leave a better life its another thing entirely to take the first steps.
Do you feel like a lonely island? Do you have a handy friend that has offered to help around the house or a family member that has offered to baby sit? Have you rejected help because you have convinced yourself you didn’t need it? How purposeful are you about making meaningful relationships?