So much of our life is wrapped up in our kids it’s hard to do anything apart from them. So when it comes time for us to take a trip it’s always a internal battle. We are very appreciative to the village that helps us but still a struggle to let go. We are always good once we get to the destination it’s just this part that isn’t much fun.
There will always be moments in your life when you are trying to help someone see the other side of a dark time and your not sure how to help them. One of the biggest lessons my son has taught me is to keep trying different angles. He loves to swim but every year I have to help him remember. He will yell and scream “no Pool no Pool” to which I reply “you love the Pool bubba don’t you remember”. I try different things until something works and then he loves it and it’s hard to get him out of the pool. I help find the right thing to help him start but in the end he has to put in the work.
You can be the catalyst for someone to change but never the fuel. You can spark the engine of change but you will burn up like exhaust if you try to sustain it.
Do you have someone your trying to convince to put their toe back in the water? Are you trying to change someone that doesn’t want to change?
I would say my biggest hurtle raising my boys especially my ASD son has been myself. What I think he can and can not do can affect what I slow him to try. My greatest rewards have been when we just tried something without guessing what we thought he could do. I hear a lot of parents say my child can’t do that to which I will always reply are you sure and have you tried it anyway they may surprise you. Brushing teeth was one of our biggest lessons and one of my most painful memories. We brushed his teeth every day morning and night but due to the frequency of using candy as incentives he got a lot of cavities. I held him as the staff at the dentist office told me they were going to inject him with anesthesia and he would go limp and to not freak out. I heard what they were saying but I still cried like a baby when they did it as it felt like all the life went out of him. As parents we mix up guiding our children and controlling them to be what we think they should be, as harsh as it sounds that drains the life out of them. I try to remember that moment in the dentist chair when I think I am doing that and I pray I am better able to distinguish the two as I raise my sons.
Do you decide what your child is capable of before letting them try?
I ride twice a week for fitness if not more but sometimes it’s good to have a unlikely place to clear your head. For me I go to La for one of the largest regular bike rides you can attend. The last Friday of every month they roll out at 7:29p. All kinds of people and bikes from all different walks of life. This last ride I noticed how many good conversations I had with strangers and realized I don’t really do that anywhere else. Getting there isn’t always easy and the late night takes its tool but every time I go it’s such a awesome experience and I meet so many cool people. Most parents don’t get out much and parents of special needs kids typically even less. When was the last time you did something fun even if it was silly?
I always wondered what a professional baseball players thinks about stepping up to the plate to bat. I know they have life issues but in that moment they need to keep their eye on the ball. To train before they step up and know they have done everything they can and the rest is not up to them.
As a parent of a special needs child life already feels overwhelming at times. So when that next curve ball comes our way we sometimes feel ill-equipped to handle it. We try to often times control everything with our kids knowing full well we can’t do that. Sometimes a lot of the stress is us not being able to reach a bar we set ourselves.
We found out my wife has Lymphangioma behind her eye unfortunately, the masses are wrapped around her optic nerve so to remove them would blind her. The masses are made up of lymphatic tissue so basically every time she gets sick it could flare up and cause pain and vision issues.
The lit up part on the right side of the picture are the masses behind her eye. We are doing everything we can to prevent her from getting sick and stressing and letting go of the things they are out of our control.
What do you need to let go of? What bars have you set too high?
Taking time picking the right wood setting it aside. Measure twice and cut once as the saying goes but I seem to need a bit more then that, so I measure more. With all the careful planning and everything executed perfectly it still ends with a dusty bit of chaos. I have to dust my shoes off every time I come back into the house and later go back to clean up the after math.
Life follows suit, we plan and plan some more but no matter out how good our intentions there is aways something that doesn’t go the way we wanted it to. Sometimes these things are minor inconveniences sometimes they are tragedies from which we don’t feel we can recover. Whether it’s the former or the latter it’s best if we do the same dust off the past step into the present.
Do you have past hurts or worries you need to dust off? Are you available in the present or are you just stepping through the motions?
So many fears to conquer how do you do it with a child on the spectrum? One at a time is always our reply. Hezzy has always been terrified by the shower so we just let him take a bath. At some point though we knew we would need to tackle that fear just like all the others. Our awesome supervisor for ABA suggested paint soap and we found it for just $1 per color at target. My wife has been working with him and after showing him the soap paint he now requests shower on his own which has been the coolest thing ever. The are the crayola finger paint soaps here is the amazon link but we found them cheaper at target. What a cool mom she has been and my partner in crime. A very happy Mother’s Day to my better half.
Childrens Crayola Bathtub Fingerpaint Soap Assorted Colors – (4) 3 Fl Oz Tubes https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SNBQT0S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Gj99AbF1951HP